A Man and a Fallen Angel
by Kessi38
Summary: Elizabeth's death has torn Trip and T'Pol apart. Can they find their way back to each other?
1. Chapter 1

The first time I went to Vulcan, the trip didn't exactly go as I had planned, but compared to why I'm here now, that vacation seems wonderful. Today, I bury my daughter... my beautiful baby girl, Elizabeth. Since her death, T'Pol has been more distant than she usually is. She hasn't wanted to be near me. We haven't been alone together since I broke down in her quarters and she held my hand. I've lost Lizzie, I've lost Elizabeth, and now, I guess I'm losing T'Pol too.

Jon has been there for me every step of the way, he's even giving a speech at the funeral because I couldn't bring myself to do it. I can't write any more eulogies. I've written enough of those.

"You ready?" I turn around and see Jon standing in the doorway, wearing a traditional Vulcan suit, just like I was wearing.

"As I'll ever be," I replied. Jon just nodded his head and let me leave the room first.

Since Elizabeth's death, everyone has been asking me if I'm okay. My child has just died. Do they think I'm okay? What I love about Jon is that he never asked me that. He has enough sense to realize that someone who has just lost their child is far from okay. He's just a genuinely great person.

Jon and I walk out of the room I'm staying in, at T'Pol's house, and then into the lobby where everyone is waiting before the funeral begins. T'Pol is nowhere in sight. There are many people here, including most of the delegates from the conference. The minister, T'Pau, is here, along with all of the my friends from Enterprise. Everyone offering their condolences just makes me feel worse. I can't stay in this room.

I turned to Hoshi, who's standing right next to me, talking to Travis, and I ask, "Have you seen T'Pol?"

"Yeah," she answers. "She went to the cemetery. She wanted to make sure all the preparations were okay."

"Thanks, Hoshi." I then turn to Jon and ask is he can take over and make sure everyone gets to the burial site on time. He tells me that he'll do anything I need.

I hastily make my way out of the house and begin walking to the cemetery. It doesn't take that long; it isn't that far away. I walk to the plot that Elizabeth will be put into and there is T'Pol. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She is wearing a gorgeous black dress that flows gracefully in the wind. The top has a v-neck that dips low but not too low. The waste fits her like a glove and the sleeves fall near to ground. She looks like an angel.

"T'Pol," I call to her.

She makes no movement, but simply says, "Hello, Trip."

I walk up and stand beside her. She then takes a step away from me. I don't bother to attempt to get closer or say anything else. After a while without either one of us doing anything, I am about to walk away when T'Pol says, "Our daughter's dead."

"I know," I says, quietly. "I know, T'Pol."

I make an attempt to reach out to her, but before I can touch her, she makes a very un-Vulcan like flinch backwards. Before I can comment on what she just did, people begin to enter the cemetery. It's time for the funeral to start. Everyone begins piling into their seats and, as, expected, T'Pol stays as far away from me as she can. T'Pau was the one who ran the funeral – she offered when we arrived at Vulcan a while ago and T'Pol and I agreed because neither one of us really wanted to do it – and I have to say, she's done a great job. Elizabeth deserves the best.

Before they put the coffin in the ground, Jon begins to speak. "Elizabeth was someone that we never got to know. She would have grown to be a woman of such elegance and grace. She would have been someone that her parents were proud of. She would have been someone that was always trying to change this universe for the better. She would have been someone people admired because her ability to inspire those changes in people. She would have been someone that everyone was better for knowing. Elizabeth was quite a woman that we never got to know."

I really don't care who sees me cry. My daughter is dead. To hell with everything else in the world. At this moment, I need this. I look over at T'Pol, and to everyone else, she would appear to be as stoic as ever, but I know her. I know her better than anyone else. She's pretending. She's hiding something. Why can't she just tell me? If she notices me staring, she doesn't do anything. T'Pol avoids looking at me and at Elizabeth's coffin during the entire funeral.

Before the service began, I told T'Pau that I would like to do a human tradition of putting a handful of dirt on the coffin, once it's in the ground, to conclude the ceremony. I wanted to honor Elizabeth some how. T'Pau said that that would be acceptable. When they start putting the coffin in the ground, T'Pol looks at it and is visibly shaken. It was just for a moment and since everyone was watching the coffin, no one else saw the look she gave.

Once Elizabeth was completely lowered into the ground. I start to walk to the dirt pile. Surprisingly enough, T'Pol got up also. I wait until she's at the pile too and then we both grab a handful of dirt. I'm first to let the dirt fall. T'Pol keeps her hand over the hole, and after a few more seconds, T'Pol lets the dirt go.

The guests begin to get up and leave, but T'Pol doesn't move... so I don't either. We both remain next to Elizabeth's grave, as the workers fill the grave. We stay there until we're the only ones left, and even then we don't move. T'Pol and I stay in that same spot for hours. I don't even notice the darkness filling the sky. I hear someone walking up to us, so I turn and see that it's Archer. I moved away from T'Pol and closer to him.

"Hey, Trip," he says, once he's close enough so we can speak face to face.

"Hey," I respond back.

"Everyone's getting ready to start heading out," Jon says. "I didn't know if you wanted to see them out or thank them for coming. But if you don't feel up to it, say the word and I'll do it."

Before I can answer, T'Pol, seeming to have overheard, says, "That won't be necessary, I will do it."

She passes us and starts walking in the direction of the house. Jon starts to follow her, but I stop him and ask, "Could you... could you just stay here with me? Please... I don't want to go back to the house right now."

"Of course, Trip," Jon answers.

We don't stay in the cemetery, though. I can't bare to be in it any longer. We just start walking... where doesn't matter. I just need to be with my best friend. I don't want to be alone. And since T'Pol can't be anywhere near me, I'll gladly spend the night doing random fuller things with Jon.

"I want you to take some time off, Trip," Jon says, as we walk down the road.

"Jon, I don't need time off." I reply. "I'm fine."

"I love you, Trip," Jon says. "But that's crap... and you know it. You're not fine. You're not anywhere near fine." I try to interrupt but he keeps going. "And it's okay to be sad. It's okay to huddled up in a fetal position, crying in your room. After everything you've been through, you're entitled to it. You don't have to be brave all the time."

"Yeah, I do, Jon," I shout. "I need to because I can't deal with the other option."

Jon looks confused and tried to interrupted, but this time I don't let him speak. "I nearly lost it when Liz died and when I finally broke down, T'Pol was there for me. And Jon, I love you, too, and I know that you're here for me, but it's not the same." I can barely keep going at the risk of crying. "She doesn't want to be near me, Jon. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I can't be left alone here to do nothing. I need to do something... I need a distraction. And if I don't have one, I don't know what I'll do. So please... I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Jon nods and says, "Okay, Trip. We don't have to talk about this right now."

So instead of talking about me, Jon picks up a random conversation about some of the delegates that actually came to Vulcan. I join the conversation, but I'm not really paying attention. He and I both know it isn't important anyway. Jon begins to direct me to his hotel room and makes me wait in the hall when we get there. He enters the room for maybe ten seconds and then comes back out with his arm behind his back. "Well, this will cheer you up." Low and behold, there in his hand, is a bottle of Andorian ale. "A gift from the Andorian Ambassador."

I take the bottle he's offering and say, "Jon, you thought right."


	2. Chapter 2

By the time I get back to the house, it's very late... and my head's a little fuzzy. I expect T'Pol to be asleep, but the light in the front room was on. I open the front door and find T'Pol huddled on corner chair, reading a book. She has changed out of her back dress and is now wearing her blue silk pajamas.

She gets up but stays a good distance away from me and asks, "Where have you been?"

Not being completely in my right head at the moment, I reply with a laugh, "Like you actually care." I keep walking, trying not to fall down due to the amount of alcohol I have in my system. "Jon and I had a few drinks."

"A few?" She responds.

Not wanting to deal with her right now, I say, "Don't give me any crap, T'Pol. I'm not in the best mood right now."

"Neither am I, Trip." She still has not moved from the spot she's in.

"No, of course you're not," I begin to yell. "Our child has just died. And I know that keeping your emotions in check is important, especially since you don't want to go off the edge, like you did when you when on trellium... but you've always been able to come to me. Whether it was just to calm down or to listen to your excuses for wanting what you want." She just stays completely frozen so I go on. "And I've accepted all of those things because that's who you are and I know that. But now? You can't even be near me."

When she doesn't respond, I yell, "Are you going say anything or are you just going to stand there, ignoring me, like you've done since she died?"

I walk a step closer to her, and when she has the gall to step back, I get pissed. I pick up the lamp on the center table and throw it against the wall. After I do this, T'Pol finally speaks, "Trip, I think you should go to sleep."

"I think you're right," I reply, not wanting to deal with her anymore. I stumble out and head to my room. I pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

When I wake up, I have a splitting headache. Being on a planet that always sunny doesn't help a hangover. I try to remember the events of last night, but everything is blur. I, grudgingly, get up and head to the shower. Freezing showers always wake me up and get me a little more sober, despite the fact that they feel like hell. I get dressed and go out to the kitchen. T'Pol was nowhere in sight. I think about making something to eat, but with how I feel, food doesn't seem like the greatest idea. Since Enterprise leaves later today, I don't really want to throw up in Engineering. I go around the house, closing all the blinds to make everything darker. While I'm doing this, I notice the lamp that used to be on the table, in the living room, is gone.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

I go to the front door and prepare myself, for the blinding sunlight that will be coming in when I open the door. When I do, I find Jonathan in my doorway. He has on sunglasses... great idea. Too bad I didn't bring any.

"Feeling great?" Jon asks, sarcastically.

"Oh, just perfect." I reply, opening the door all the way as an invitation to come in. I head to the couch.

Jon comes in the shuts the door. He looks at the closed blinds, takes off his glasses, and asks, "T'Pol here?"

"Nah, she was gone when I woke up about an hour ago." I lay back on couch because sitting up feels like it would exert too much energy.

"Not a surprise, Trip." Jon sits on the other couch that's across the table in the center. "It's already noon."

"Shit, I didn't even check the time," I say.

"Did you go straight to sleep when you got back last night?" Jon asks.

Putting my hand through my hair, I answer, "I barely remember anything about last night."

"You can thank the Andorian Ambassador for that." Jon says, referring to the Andorian ale we drank last night. It was a gift from the Ambassador when he came to the conference. Jon and I both laugh a little about last night, and when we do, T'Pol enters the house. At this point, I sit straight. She has a bag that's carrying something huge in it, but she pauses when she sees that Jon is here. "Captain." She refuses to call him by his name even though we are off duty.

"Hello, T'Pol," Jon says. "What's in the bag?"

"Nothing of importance." T'Pol dismisses it. "Why are you here?"

"I actually wanted to talk to you both." Jon gets off the chair and faces both T'Pol and I.

"About what?" I ask, getting up, also.

"Well, we started talking about this last night," Jon begins. "I want you two to take some time off before coming back to work." T'Pol and I both look ready to interrupt but Jon keeps going. "I know that neither of you really want to, and that why this isn't a request, it's an order."

"Jon-" I try to cut in.

"Trip, you need some time." Jon says, then looks at T'Pol. "Both of you do."

I just sit back in the chair, so he continues, "I'm not saying that you need to spend a month off. A week is all I'm asking."

Since I don't say anything, T'Pol replies, "We will take the time off, Captain."

"Okay," Jon says. He then looks at his watch and says, "I have to get going now, I have a meeting with T'Pau before Enterprise leaves. I'll see you late, Trip."

"Bye, Jon," I say, without bothering to look at him.

Once he walks out of the house, T'Pol, without saying anything, opens her bag and pulls out a new lamp.

As she sets it down on the table, I ask, "What happened to the other lamp?"

She just looks at me for a few seconds – not in the eyes – then looks back at the lamp and asks, "You don't remember coming back last night?"

I begin to shrink. "Not really." Thinking I drunkenly stumbled into the table last night, I ask, "Did I break it?"

Instead of answering my question, she says, "It's fine. I cleaned it up and got another one."

"I'm sorry, T'Pol," I apologize. "Jon and I tried to take our minds off of things and I guess we overdid it."  
"I noticed." T'Pol replies.

I shrink even more. I must have acted incredibly stupid last night. "What did I do?"

T'Pol hesitates before answering, "You... you came back very late. I had stayed up waiting to... see if you were all right. You then began to vent and when I didn't respond, you smashed the lamp against the wall."

"T'Pol, I am so sorry," I say, completely mortified.

"You weren't in your right mind," she replies. "It's all right."

"It's not all right," I say. "No matter what, you don't deserved to be yelled at."

"You were in a considerable amount of pain, Trip," she says, finally looking me in the eyes. "It's okay."

She gets back to trying to make the living room look better, so I get up to go back to my room. Before I reach the doorway, I hear my name. I turn around to see what she wants. Completely shocking me, she takes a couple steps towards me. She begins to open her mouth to say something, but then stops herself. T'Pol then takes a step back, looks away, and says, "There's medicine in the bathroom cabinet if you're still feeling bad from last night."

Knowing that that was not what she was going to say, I simply nod and say, "Thanks."

I am about to turn, but she speaks again. "Should I notify T'Pau about getting a ship for your return?"

"What do you mean?" I don't quite know what she's talking about.

"I assumed that since Captain Archer gave us mandatory leave, you would want to spend that time on Earth, with your family."

"Actually, I wasn't planning on going to Earth." I honestly couldn't take my family trying to comfort me about my daughter's death. After everything they went through with Lizzie, I think going to them now would just make things a lot harder than they need to be. Not knowing if she particularly wants me to stay in her house any longer, I say, "I can make other sleeping arraignments, if you prefer."

When T'Pol doesn't answer right away, I assume, she's trying to find a way polite way of saying, "Get the hell out of my house." Which is why I'm shocked when I hear, "That won't be necessary."


	3. Chapter 3

Since Archer forbid us from coming back to Enterprise earlier, they left without us, leaving both T'Pol and I on Vulcan... alone. I chose to stay here, rather than go back to Earth. However, without anyone left to distract us, things are even more uncomfortable. T'Pol seems more uneasy than ever. She and I, alone together, in her house, for a week, was not something either of us planned for.

I'm trying to stay away from her as much as she's trying to stay away from me. For different reasons, obviously. She's ignoring me like she always does and I just don't want to force any communication that she's not ready for.

In order to keep busy, T'Pol has decided to clean the entire house. Vulcan houses, are never messy to begin with, but T'Pol is determined to scrub every inch out of the house. I spent my day at the Fire Planes that T'Pol showed me the first time I was here. It's a gorgeous sight. And staying away from the house was my goal. I love Vulcan's weather. It's always warm here, like Florida. Of course, Florida doesn't get this hot, but it does have a homey feel that's very serene to walk around in. I do love it here. It's peaceful.

I decide to visit Elizabeth and I bring white tulips with me. They were not easy to get. It turns out that there's a shop in the city that, shockingly enough, grows Terran flowers. I was lucky to get them. They were Lizzie's favorite, so I figure Elizabeth would have liked them. By the time I make it to the cemetery, the sun looks close to setting. Sunsets on Vulcan are stunning, like everything else on the planet. However, on Vulcan, sunsets can last for hours, it's part of what makes them so beautiful. No one else is in the cemetery. I don't even know if Vulcans usually visit their dead. Nevertheless, I walk up to my daughter's grave and set the flowers down.

"Hey, baby girl," I say, touching her tombstone. "I'm here for one more week, so I'll visit you as much as I can until I have to leave."

I reposition myself so that I'm sitting next to her stone. "I want you to know that I loved you very much. I still do. I would have tried to be the best father you could have had."

Saying all of this is so much harder than I thought it would be. Sitting right near where she's buried is beginning to get me. I can't stay here much longer.

"What Jon said was right. I would have loved to meet the woman you could have been." I kiss her tombstone and then stand up. "You will always be in my heart. I love you."

I turn around to see a familiar face, standing right in front of me. "God, T'Pol. You scared the hell out of me."

"I saw you here, from the house," T'Pol says, standing perfectly still in a peach colored dress. This is the first time I've seen her in a dress, that wasn't dawned for a special occasion. She's breathtaking, even in everyday wear. "I apologize for frightening you."

"It's all right," I reply. "Are you here to visit her?"

She doesn't answer me. She makes no attempt to show that she even heard what I said. T'Pol just stares at Elizabeth's grave and takes a steps closer to it. Instead of responding to anything I said, she says, "I don't understand the human concept of speaking to the dead." She finally looks at me and says, "She's gone. She can't hear you."

I don't really know how to answer, but I try my best to respond. "I like to believe that she can hear me from wherever she is."

"You are referring to the human myth of an afterlife?" She asks.

Myth? Thanks for that, T'Pol. Instead of replying with that sarcastic remark, I say, "I choose to believe that it's not a myth. I like to think that she's in a better place."

"And does it help?" She asks as she begins to sit down on both of her legs.

"Help what?" I ask.

"Does it help with your sadness?" She rephrases.

I was not expecting her to ask this. I didn't expect her to ask me how I feel. "Honestly, not really." I sit down right next to her and am pleasantly surprised to see that she doesn't move away. "No matter if Heaven exists or not, she's dead all the same."

T'Pol nods and glides her hand on Elizabeth's tombstone. While she has her hand on Elizabeth's name, T'Pol says, "When my mother died, you told me that as time went on we miss the dead less. Elizabeth is dead and I don't see how I'm ever going to miss her any less than I do now."

Hesitant to reply, I answer, "It will never be okay that she's gone, but as time passes... it will hurt less." I decide not to move at all. I don't want to do anything that would make her run away. "T'Pol, you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here... I'm always here."

T'Pol now looks down at her lap, and says, "You don't know how hard it is to be around you." Finally she admits the truth. "I _need_ to remain in control... but every time I'm near you, that control seems to just dissipate. Every time I'm around you I..." T'Pol breaks and looks at me. "I think of her... and I don't know to handle this."

She can't be around me without thinking of Elizabeth, not much of a shock, since I feel the same. But we have to find a way around this. We have to.

"I understand how you're feeling, T'Pol," I start. "I get that you can't let your pain consume you, but you can't just bottle it up like you've been doing. Your control obviously isn't working very well if you continue as you are. If you keep this going, it will cause you more pain. If you keep this up, your control will break. Talk to me, I can help you get through this. It's not like can just forget about what happened."

As soon as I finish my sentence, T'Pol looks up. Not at me, but at nothing in particular.

"We should get back to the house now," T'Pol says, while getting off of the ground. I can tell that something had just changed. Something is different... for T'Pol anyway.

"T'Pol?" I want to know what just happened. She doesn't answer, she just keeps walking, making no attempt to acknowledge that she actually heard me. I want to follow her, but first I kiss Elizabeth's tombstone. I whisper a farewell, then head off in the direction of the house.


	4. Chapter 4

When I get to the house, T'Pol is nowhere in sight. I figure that she clearly didn't come back here after leaving the cemetery. Where the hell is she? I don't get the answer to that question until an hour later.

When she arrives at the house, she tries to walk right by where I'm sitting on the couch, without saying a word. Instead of just letting her by, I ask, "Where did you go?"

"I had to make an appointment," she says.

"An appointment for what?" I try to ask, without sounding too nosy.

"To see an Elder at the monastery, on the outskirts of the Provence," she says as monotone as her previous statement.

An Elder? Why does T'Pol need to see an Elder? In attempt to end my curiosity, I ask, "Why do you want to see an Elder?"

T'Pol doesn't answer, instead she just stands there. So I try again, "T'Pol?"

"I need to," she answers, simply. She couldn't have given a more vague response.

One more try, to hell with hiding curiosity, "Why?"

"I need to," she repeats, so I drop it. I'm clearly not going to get an answer out of her.

"Okay," I say. T'Pol heads straight to her room and I go into the kitchen. Having lived in T'Pol's house for about a week and a half, tea grew on me. It's become a habit to make tea when something's frustrating me. While waiting for the water to get hot, I sit up on the island. Waiting for water to boil isn't very interesting, but it's not like I have anything better to do.

After a few minutes, I hear a noise from behind me and when I look, T'Pol is standing on the other side of the island. Scares me so much, I fall off the island. Luckily, I catch my balance before I completely hit the floor.

"You keep scaring the hell out of me," I say, while I try to get my heart beat back to normal.

"I apologize," she replies. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

T'Pol has always been fond of standing in front of people and just staring, without saying a word. As frustrating as that is, I have to admit, I think it's adorable that she does that, because she doesn't mean to be awkward or strange. It's just how she is.

"What's up?" I ask, not knowing what else to say.

"I need to talk to you," she says, as she comes around the island to where I am.

"All right," I reply. I then sit on the kitchen floor.

T'Pol, in her Vulcan way, looks at me like I'm crazy. She asks, "Why are you sitting on the floor?"

"I'm tired and too lazy walk across the room to get to the couch," I state, getting comfortable in my spot on the floor.

For a second, T'Pol looks like she's debating whether to join me, but then she sits down in front of me, crossing her legs like I did. It's a little amusing to see her like this.

"Back at the cemetery, you were right... about everything," she began. "Jonathan said something to me once, that when you don't have the ability to repress emotions, you learn to deal with them and move on.'"

Jonathan? As in Jonathan Archer? I've never heard her address him by his first name before. It's a little strange. When did he talk to her about emotions? _Why_ did he talk to her about emotions? More importantly, why is she bringing this up now?

"A little after the first year of Enterprise's launch, I was given a mission from the Vulcan High Command. The mission was to go the planet, Agron, and detain a man named Menos. He and I had a past so the Vulcan High Command decided that it should be me who arrested him. I wanted someone whom I trusted to come with me, so I asked Captain Archer."

"Go on," I try to be supportive of her opening up.

"We did detain him," she continued. "But while we were on Agron, I regained memories of a time I had forgotten, a time that I didn't want to remember." She hesitates, but keeps going. "It turned out that years ago, when I first encountered Menos, in order to remain in emotional control, I underwent a Vulcan discipline called Fullara. Its purpose is to repress the memory of an event along with the emotions associated with it. I was in a state, not unlike how I became when we encountered the Seleya. I was extremely emotional, so much that I could hardly function."

As much as I like that she's opening up to me, I don't understand why she's telling me this story. What does this story have to do with what's happening now? Unless... no. She wouldn't, would she? "Why are you telling me this? Are you considering..."

"Archer told me that those who cannot repress what they feel need to work through it," she repeated, once again, what Archer had told her. "I have a decision to make. I seem to be unable to control my emotions. You told me that if I keep everything bottled up without working through it, it will destroy me." I try to cut in, but she continues, "The appointment I made today was to undergo Fullara again... but I have not yet decided if I should go through with it."

I can't remember anything I wanted to say and I just sit there, looking at her. I guess she can tell that I don't know what to do, so she says, "Our daughter is dead."

"I know," I say, looking at the cabinet about her head. I don't want to look at her.

Apparently T'Pol doesn't notice or care because I hear her speak, "Trip." But I still won't look at her. She calls my name once more and when I don't reply, she then does the unexpected. With her right hand, turns my face towards her. "She's gone and no matter how hard I try to remain in control, it doesn't seem to be working. And now..." He voice breaks for a second. "I don't know what to do."

"It's your choice, T'Pol." I sadly say. "I cannot tell you what to decide. If you think that you need to go through that whole memory wipe thing, then it's up to you."

What I said was clearly not helpful in the slightest, but I don't know what else to say. What the hell should anyone do in a situation like this? This is an impossible circumstance. I can't force her to stay here with me and try to work things out. All I have left to say is, "I may feel like hell right now and I may feel like I want to die of sadness, but no matter what, I wouldn't want to forget Elizabeth."

I pull T'Pol's head close to mine and kiss her forehead. "It's your choice." It takes all that I have in me, but I get up off the floor and walk to my room, leaving her on the kitchen floor alone.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Okay, I don't know what it is about this chapter, but it was hard to write. It took forever to get this out. I didn't know how the characters would react to different things, and it was all just really hard to write. I don't know if it's perfect yet, but it was frustrating me too much to deal with it anymore. If any of you have suggestions, leave it in the reviews and I'll keep everything in mind as I continue!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Okay, this chapter is a bit shorter than the rest, but this really should have been at the end of the previous chapter.

* * *

I have been in my bed all night, not able to sleep. No matter how hard I try, I still just lay there, staring at the ceiling. I haven't heard from T'Pol since I left her in the kitchen and that was hours ago. For all I know, she could have already gone through with that memory thing.

It's very late, or very early, depending on how you're looking at it, when I hear a knock on my door. "Come in."

The door opens and T'Pol steps inside my room. She's already in her blue pajamas, but looks like she's gotten as much sleep as I have.

"Do you need something?" I ask, as I sit up in the bed.

"May I ask a personal query?" She says, standing at the foot of my bed.

"You don't need my permission to ask me something, T'Pol," I reply. Then, with my arm held out, I say, "Come here."

T'Pol obediently comes closer and sits down on the bed next to me. "Would you still love me should I choose to partake in Fullara?"

The question shocks me. T'Pol and I have never actually said the words "I love you" to each other. I guess we have always just thought the other knew how much we care. But what shocks me even more is that she felt the need to ask that question. No matter what she decides, I'm always going to love her. Didn't she know that?

"T'Pol," I begin, as I take her hand in mine. "When you told me that you'd made that appointment, I was confused and... scared, I guess. I didn't really know how to react to you telling me that you might forget our daughter. Regardless of what you decide to do, it's not going to change how I feel about you. I'm sorry if I've ever made that unclear. No matter what you do, if you go through with it or not, I love you... I will always love you."

T'Pol said nothing. She's never really been big on expressing things – obviously – but she really doesn't have anything to say? After we've sat in silence for what seems like forever, I let go of T'Pol's hand. Has she already made up her mind about going through with the memory wipe? Is she still going through with it? Why did she even come to my room tonight?

It doesn't look like I'm going to find out because, T'Pol looks me in the eyes, then simply gets off the bed and walks out, as if what we were just talking about wasn't important at all. Does she really care that little for me now?


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I just couldn't get it out. It took forever to think of how the characters would react to certain things and it was just really really difficult, but here it is. I'd like to thank triptpol85 for helping me to figure the complex character that is T'Pol. Thanks so much! Oh, and there will be one last chapter after this to conclude my story. Thanks!

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After a terrible night I awake to find that I am alone in the house. Well, she's going through with it, I suppose. She's wiping out everything she's gone through because of Elizabeth. She's leaving me to deal with everything by myself. She's leaving me alone with the memory of our daughter.

T'Pol asked if I'd still love her if she did this. I told her that I would. However, she didn't answer me when I asked her the same thing. But it doesn't matter. I said that I would always love her, and I meant it. And through our bond, I know she loves me too. It may feel I'm being crushed by the pain that's built up inside me, but I will stay for her. I'll never leave her. No matter how big of a pain in the ass she can be, I love her. I'll stay.

I think about last night, and how I doubted how she truly feels about me. Thinking about that, I don't know why I was being so stupid. Not answering my questions is something that she has always done. I don't know why I read more into it than I usually do. I just had a feeling of loneliness and... strong confusion. But this more everything seemed clearer. Everything was still painful, but the feeling of loneliness wasn't so strong anymore. I don't know how one night's sleep can change things, but it does feel different.

I sit in the house, waiting for her return, for the better part of the day. The sun begins to set and she still isn't back yet. How long does this Fullara thing take? A day? Weeks? Months? What am I supposed to be doing in the mean time? I'm not thinking about it too long before I hear a knock on the door.

I open it and see a seemingly middle aged Vulcan, in black, standing in front of me. But since he's Vulcan, I can't even guess his age. I ask, "Yes?"

The Vulcan replies, "Is the Lady of the House present?"

Hearing T'Pol be referred to as the "Lady of the House" just seems so strange to me. "No," I say. "I'm afraid she's not. Would you like me to give her a message when she returns?"

The Vulcan looks hesitant to reply. I remember that Vulcans are big on privacy. He's probably debating on whether or not to tell me something that's meant for T'Pol. He finally gives in. "Could you tell her that since she failed to appear at the temple today, she'll have to wait a month to reschedule?"

She missed her appointment? She didn't go through with the wipe? She still remembers Elizabeth? Wait... if she didn't go to the temple, where the hell has she been all day? Why hasn't she come back?

"I'll make sure she gets the message," I say, to get rid of the guy standing in front of me. He nods in acknowledgment and then leaves.

I stand there for a few seconds, thinking about where she is and what I should do. I decide to go find her. I check the cemetery first; she might have gone to see Elizabeth. She isn't there. I then check most of the town. The floor shop, the other temples, the every other place I can think off. It's now the middle of the night and I'm scared. Where the hell is she?

A though strikes me. The first time I came to Vulcan, T'Pol took me sightseeing. I head off in the directions of the places she took me. Mount Tar'hana is a bust, as well as the Scared Forest. Then it hits me. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it earlier. The Fire Planes. It turns out that the planes look even more beautiful at night. The bright, deadly flames juxtaposed the silent black night sky beautifully. This was one of the most stunning things on Vulcan. Second to...

There she is. T'Pol is standing on the edge of the cliff. She was hard to see at first since she's wearing all black, a gorgeous black dress. This dress goes over one shoulder. The rest of the dress raps around her like glue. It stops mid-thigh.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should say something or maybe make a lame fake cough to make my presence known. So I just stand there. I haven't been standing there for more than ten seconds when T'Pol speaks, "I could not do it."

I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was being. She continues, "Elizabeth was our daughter and I loved her. I only knew her for a few days, and yet I loved her dearly. How is that possible?" I don't answer, so she keeps going. "She wasn't born from me, and yet I felt the same love I would have had for her if she did. I don't..." She pauses, but then keeps going. "I don't know how I'm supposed to function when I am incapable of keep everything I am feeling suppressed. But no matter what... I could not forget her. Now... I don't know what to do."

She hadn't looked at me the entire time she was speaking. She doesn't move towards me at all, even once she's finished speaking. She just stays, standing at the very edge, staring out at the colossal flames. I don't know what to do, what to say. I then just walk up to her behind her and put my arms around her waist. She puts her arms around mine. When I finally look down at her, I see a tear falling down her angelic face. At this moment, I realize something. I don't let go of her, when I finally speak. "When you woke me up and asked me if I'd still love you, I felt scared that _you_ weren't going to love me anymore. But I knew that wasn't true. We've had a rocky relationship, to say the least, but you never stopped loving me through all of it. So I didn't know why I felt that you were going to leave me. I didn't realize 'till now that the feeling wasn't mine. It was yours. Now, I realize I was incredibly stupid not to realize this sooner, since you asked me that question to begin with, but I'm new to this whole sharing minds bond thing."

I shift her so that she's still in my arms, but now she's facing me. "But this morning, I felt your love through the bond. And I felt that you were going to be okay. We're going to be okay."

I kiss her forehead, she wraps her arms around my torso and lays her head on my chest. We stay, standing like that, all night. Neither of us tries to move or get away. When dawn finally comes, I'm really tired, but I don't want to move if she doesn't want to. As if reading my mind – or most likely she sensed through our bond – she takes my hand and leads me away from the edge and away from the planes. Not letting go of each others hand, we walk back to the house. All the lights are off inside the house, however morning light was shining through all the windows so the entire house is lit up. She leads me back to her room, and this room, having all the curtains closed, is the only dark room of the house. This is the point where we finally let go of each others hand. We take off what we're wearing, then we get into her bed. She crawls into my arms and I hold her like I've never her before. I hold her as if she were to disintegrate if I let go. We fall asleep in each others arms.

I am the first to wake. I look at my watch that I put on the table beside us when we undressed. Its late afternoon already. T'Pol was still sleeping peacefully in my arms. I don't move. I don't want to wake her up. She's the most perfect person I've ever met. Since our covers were pushed off, I run my hand down her back; her flawless tan skin is hard not to touch. She looks so peaceful in my arms. She has her problems and her follies, and I want to shove her out an airlock sometimes when she really pisses me off, but that doesn't matter. She's my fit... my match. She gets me and I get her. She's my solace, my escape, my... everything. And from what I sense through our bond, she needs just as much as I need her. And I need her more than I've ever needed anything in my life.

When T'Pol finally wakes up, she finds me smiling at her. I kiss the top of her head and say, "Good morning."

"Good morning," she replies, looking at me. She then puts her head back down on my chest and holds me a little tighter. "Are you all right?"

That makes me chuckle. "After what happened last night, I should be asking you that question."

"I don't..." T'Pol begins. "I don't really know how I am. I just know that... I'm glad to be having this moment... here in your arms. I know that everything that has happened will always hurt, but as long as you're here with me..." She looks up at me and says. "You were right... what you said about our bond. I was... frightened that you wouldn't be there for me anymore. I was frightened that if I went through with it, it would hurt you so much that you would leave. But when you told me that you'd always be there for me, I knew that I didn't have to forget. I thought that being around you would loosen my control, but I found that without you, nothing seemed _in_ control. It was worse to not be around you."

Taking in what she just said, I say, "We'll make it through this terrible time. We'll be all right... together."

"Together," T'Pol repeats what I just said.

"We should get up," I say, still not bothering to move. "It's past four."

"I agree," she replies. "I am rather hungry."

Despite what both of us just said, neither of us moves from where we are. It just seems so peaceful. It feels right, and neither of us wants that feeling to go away. However, my stomach disagrees. There comes a low, but loud grumble from my stomach. I guess I'm just as hungry as she is. When we both get up, neither of us bother to get fully dressed. T'Pol puts on my shirt and I put on my boxers. We go into the kitchen and I decide to make something for us to eat. Since my culinary skills are rather limited when it comes to Vulcan food, I manage to put together something edible. T'Pol is the first to sit on the floor. It makes me smile when I see that. I sit down with her and we eat out food on the kitchen floor. Obviously, with plates and not on the actual floor. Sitting on the kitchen floor with T'Pol, wearing pajamas, eating sandwiches is something I'll never forget.


End file.
